These past 4 days, I was VERY pressured towards my studies. August 30, 31 and September 1 – when I took my First Quarterly Exams, are those days when pressure was building up in me. Since I’m striving hard for being the top of my class, I’m studying really hard which I didn’t know that I was pressuring myself, and the most critical thing is that I don’t have the joy in the kind of studying system I was doing. I was so desperate in having the highest place in our class… for reputation and fame. I had this longing of being known as the smartest in class or smarter than this/that person, thinking that being the first would make my life happier.
Being pressured for a time, the enemy used it to me for me to be more pressured in studying, for me to desperately study so that I might get the highest position. But… everything was so wrong. I knew and felt in my heart that I had a wicked desire. I told God about those things and waited for Him to answer but He was silent. I cried and cried because there was no peace, no rest in me. The fear, the pressure was so big that I magnified those things instead of magnifying God. God’s answers for me didn’t show in one moment. I talked to my older Christian sisters (Honi and Hannah) about what I was experiencing.
There also came a time, in the night of September 1, 2012, I didn’t sleep well because my mind was filled of fears and lies. I was so, so, so scared. I even woke my half-asleep sister to pray for me. I prayed, someone prayed for me… it got good but not so good. I didn’t know what to do that night… What happened next? God commanded me to speak in tongues and there! The Holy Spirit’s power is just… I don’t know. Too wonderful and mesmerizing to describe! While speaking in tongues, I felt the fear going out of me, God pulling it out of me, like there was something so heavy I’m carrying and God took that heavy burden from me then after it I felt peace, my heart felt light and I slept. When I closed my eyes and while waiting myself to completely sleep, God is so cute and amazing because He sung lullabies to me (Sleep my beautiful baby Sam). 🙂 ❤
Those days were so hard and so painful but it didn’t last. I hated what I was feeling and experiencing yet God is compassionate, gracious and merciful because he helped me and lifted me up beneath the waters. God put peace, rest and joy in me. I praise and worship God for these things and for who He is. Thank You. Thank You Jesus. Thank you and I love You! 😀 ❤
Lies Faith; Doubt Believe; Not contented! Thanks, God!; Keep and hide Tell and surrender; Pressure and stress Joy and Enjoy 🙂
‘Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me,“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.’ -2 Corinthians 12:8,9
I believe that my position will not dictate who I am. What’s important is my heart and what God thinks about me.
‘Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you,’ -1 Thessalonians 4:11
**Thank you Ate Honi, Ate Hannah, Teacher Joy, and Ate Bianca for praying for me. 🙂